If you watch my youtube videos you probably already know this, but I have decided to go back to work. Definitely not because I want to, but because I know I should. It just makes the most sense for our family right now. Money doesn't grow on trees and we have a lot that we want to do.
I have been here before. After I had my first daughter, Grace, I went back to work. In Canada we are lucky enough to have 12 months off. After those 12 months I went back, but just like this time I didn't want to. It was tough. I became extremely depressed, anxious and I felt like a shadow of myself. I knew that work was no longer my main focus or where I wanted to spend my time. Luckily, after about 4 months I started to get my groove back. Work was great but I knew that I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and later that year I got pregnant with my second daughter, Holly.
This time going into it I knew I was going to be off longer than that one year. I wanted to be home with my girls. When the year was up I contacted my work and was lucky enough to be granted an additional year of unpaid leave. Two years at home with my babies, I was truly living the dream.
That year is now coming to an end and God did it ever fly by! This was the toughest and best year of my entire life. I got to watch these two girls grow up right in front of my eyes. I got to live my life with no fixed schedule and it honestly made me feel like a kid again. I got to spend my days playing with peppa pig figures and playing at the park but most importantly I got to see my girls laughing and having so much fun every day. I got to see it all.
Life was also really tough. Going from one child to two is no walk in the park. My baby didn't like sleep for the first year and was definitely not easy going. We have also been dealing with a three-nager and let me tell you, the struggle is real! But still, I wouldn't change it for the world. There is nothing like being home with your kids.
As I prepare to go back to work I have mixed feelings. Some days I am excited for a little bit of time to myself (a hot coffee or the ability to pee alone ha!) but most days I find myself tearing up about how much I am going to miss and how much I am going to miss them.
Being a working mom or being a stay at home mom, neither is easy. Being a mom is so tough. But isn't it also the best?
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